these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
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