is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
