i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize