We need to rekindle our bromance
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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