I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
