Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
This is the prime rib incident all over again
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
