just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize
