RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
