at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
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