3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
