her vagina looked like bernie madoff
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Randomize
