Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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