I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
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