I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
