I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
The air taste purple.
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