Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
