We're facebook friends in real life
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
organizing the empties. That sober.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
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