I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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