Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
