i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
did you just send me my own nude
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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