Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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