you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
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