whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
