there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
