I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Randomize
