Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Randomize
