She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Randomize
