He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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