it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I deserve this hangover.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
