My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
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