remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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