dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
