I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize
