So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
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