I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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