Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
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