Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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