Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Randomize
