what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
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