tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
