I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
