There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Randomize
