her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
