I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
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