at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
