I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Randomize
