glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
