we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
