i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Randomize
