You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
