I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Randomize
