I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
dude. I can hear the air.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
