I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
