fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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