I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Randomize
