she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize