i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
