Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
you didnt know i had herpes?
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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