why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Randomize
