you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
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