Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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