Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
never play flip cup with pint glasses
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
