eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
