dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
I wish life had little blips of pornography
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
