Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
