he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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