shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize