My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
