Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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