Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
