Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
