He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Randomize
