you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
