So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
I checked into jail on foursquare
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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