shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
